Daily Wanderings And Tea

Hello Blogglings!

I have had a much needed day full of tea, amid all my daily wanderings. Today I happened to wander to work, then to the writing lab, to my classes, and lastly to Michaels for some much MUCH needed watercolor  pencils. I am now home, with a list of to do's and a list of lists to create!

I found inspiration in art class today! (With a bit of help;) Isn't that how it goes sometimes? I am very excited for my art project (which will involve the new watercolor pencils) and for the reaction it will create In the eyes of those who behold it. 

I have added two books to my reading list this year:

And

I am very excited to read them! The trick is, to find the TIME to read them.

Eight Things I Love About Being A Girl

  1. Frilly, flowery, pretty dresses

2. Long Hair

3.  Pretty little scarves

 

4. Braids 

5. Ballet flats

6. Wearing flowers in my hair

7.  Cats are our best (feline) friends (my handsome boy Chip)

 8. Painting nails (Color Me Katie)

Of Black Holes, Paint, and Retainers

This drives me crazy!

My things are disappearing.

I think that I may know who the culprit is.

Holly.

I think that there is a black hole somewhere in my house

that Holly has found on her daily bumbling.

A pencil bag full of my favorite pens, and my retainers.

(Yes, I still have my retainers. And yes, I still wear them... Or did.)

On a slightly less unhappy note,

I finally found the perfect color for my room! 

The color before this one was a very cotton  candy blue. 

 (I honestly did not desire that kind of effect.)

Now, my room is a gorgeous sea-foam blue. 

I love it.

It is so relaxing and lovely.

When my room is done, I will be sure to post a few pictures. 

So long.

If I find the black hole that Holly has been throwing my things in,

I just might fall in myself

and may never be back.

Wish me luck.

Braids

I love their timeless, classic beauty.

There is and element of wistfulness and romanticism about them.

A braid done right, never ceases to catch the eye.

Summer Desire

I am SO ready for summer. 

I cannot wait for summer dresses, frilly tank tops, and shorts. 

For bathing in the sun, filling the days with surf, digging my toes in warm sand, roman sandals.

I was reading my lovely friend's post about feeling the woe's of summer fever. (Carissa's wonderful blog)

I have been complaining about this fever for the last few weeks, as well.

But alas there is nothing to be done! 

(I realized this while I stood on the balcony outside my math class today, during break.)

It is inevitable! Just when you think that it is starting to warm up, 

large grey clouds move in and dash your hopes of summer to the rocks. 

Don't get me wrong. I adore the rain. I love the sound, the smell, and all the scarves and warm sweaters that come with it. I adore the stunning green that the hills surrounding this little valley turn when the rain comes marching in. 

I also know, that when summer comes visiting, the hills will turn brown and crunchy. That the soft green will be gone.

But I miss summer! 

(After all, God did create the seasons and the change in nature for our enjoyment. For us to revel in all his glorious creation.)

Summer, please come quickly. Bathe the day in your rays of glorious, warm sunshine.

Banish school to the corner!

(Though I love school)

Bring adventure and exploration along.

Peace Comes In Green Hills, and Sliced Peaches

The hills surrounding me are so green. Sometimes when I look at them, I find peace. Peace in our Fathers astounding creation. I want to paint them, and make them last forever. Every spring, when the rain comes rolling in, I anticipate the new green life that will sprout soon after.
No matter how grey and rainy it may be, these hills never cease to shine; a beacon of spring. And but a single mile away from these rolling, spring green hills, is the ocean. I am so blessed to live in this gorgeous place!



For art we are doing studies in local color and color discord. It was advised that we choose a fruit or vegetable to do these studies in, and I chose a peach. The color is so pretty! (despite the fact that I'll have to ruin the gorgeous color with a color of discord...)

Making Life Beautiful

Hello to all. All, that is, who even read this insignificant space, where I pour out thoughts, revelations, and adventures...

Recently I have really been reflecting on this verse and applying it to my daily life:

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults, and with my song I give
thanks to Him."

Psalms 28:7

At first glance, to me, it didn't really seem like a verse that I could apply to my everyday. To the grind and to the mellow, to the tired and to the rested, to the joyous and to the hardened times. Regular and un-spectacular times... But- somehow, when I am sitting at work drilling and connecting, unpacking and twisting, I find myself thinking on this verse. I was reminded the other day, of the fact that it was on my facebook wall, and it sort of just stuck with me. Like the way people always say steak and potatoes stick to your ribs.
I have truly found help and peace in this verse. When I am fretting I remind myself that my God is my strength and my shield. That with His strength, he will shield and guide me through even the most blinding of life's storms. After I begin to calm myself down, and my stomach settles I remember the second half," In Him my heart trusts, and I am helped." This brings me to remember that anxiety and worry are a sin. (We are only human and this happens... But with a little diligence, we can calm our hearts and minds with the knowledge that all works to His glory). I remember the lilies of the valley and birds of the air, how they are provided for. God loves us much more than flowers or birds (though both are quite lovely, and a testimony to our Loving Creators hand). We find help and rest when we let our hearts and, consequently, our lives trust in Him. And with the second part, comes the last. I should exult and sing in the Lord's love and care for me! Even when times are hard or confusing. I should give Him constant thanks. Thanks for what seems to be small as well as the big. For our God is a Loving as well as a jealous and holy God... Often times, I think that either one or the other is left out. Making the ones not left out, more focused on and therefor more pursued.

And so, what at first seemed only a beautiful statement of the Psalmist, has become a guide. A guide to each and every situation. Whether it is only part of this verse or the whole, that reveals itself in these sticky life situations (as well as the peaceful ones), it is there. Embedded in the normal unspectacular times as well as those of excitement or shock. It is there making even the small moments beautiful. No matter their mood.

Shortboard Resolution: Day One

Well after a very far stretch of time, I went surfing today. I cannot believe the amount of time in between my last session and this one. A month? Terrible.
Though, this sort of this is going to be happening a lot less. My New Years resolution was the be able to ride a shortboard by summer, or just into the beginning of summer. SO- this will lead to much much more surfing. I am happy to say that I was able to pop up pretty fast. Which- is a good good thing. You have to be able to get up faster than you would on a longboard. I also was able to find my center and paddle pretty okay. (however, my upper body strength is extremely lacking!)
To aid in strengthening the muscles I need for surfing, I found (on accident) some stretches to help build up the endurance and muscle (which is capital, because I am nothing short of pathetic when it comes to paddling endurance.) Ugh! All the wasted waves! I have such a LACK of upper body strength that I take so many breaks so that I can recuperate before I actually paddle for a wave. Pathetic? Much. This is not to say I want to look like a body builder. That would be disgusting. Another plus to surfing (besides the complete all around awesomeness of it) is that it keeps you pretty toned. SO- absolutely no body builder body.
I was able to borrow a shortboard from Adam. Well, I think that it was actually his dad's board. I'm not sure. Either way, it is really nice of them:)

Slowly, it seems that we are all getting sick. I am hoping that I dont. I am feeling a sore throat coming on and am pretty sad about it. I really dont want to be sick. SO please pray for good health all around!

A Cry Of Thanksgiving

Our Father in heaven is so wonderful. Why do I let myself get scared or worried? How do I fall into doubt, time and time again? He is the Great Provider. He always pulls me through. He delivers.
I cannot express my degree of thankfulness in this moment. No word or phrase could sum it up. Except my saying that no word or phrase could sum it up...
I reach such a low, and become a basket case and a train wreck. Constantly threading my fingers through my hair and stare off into the void with a panicked expression and a heart heavy with stress and worry. Will He hear my desperate prayer, my desperate cry for deliverance? He always does. He reaches down from heaven and wraps his arms around me. Embracing my lack of faith and renews it. Filling my body and soul with peace, lifting my heavy heart with His light.
My God and Father delivers me. He delivers me, his wayward child. His disobedient, rebellious, forgetfull, weak child. For this I am more thankful than I ever knew I could be. And yet, this thankfulness continues to grow, reaching immeasurable heights.

"1 Shout out praises to he Lord, all the earth!
2 Worship the Lord with joy! Enter his presence
with joyful singing.
3 Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us
and we belong to Him; we are His pasture.
4 Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His
courts with praise! Give Him thanks, praise
His name!
5 For the Lord is good. His loyal love endures,
and He is faithful through all the generations.:

Psalm 100

Day After Christmas

the silence. The inevitable silence of boarding this train carrying me to the border. Well, close enough to the border. Everything happens so quickly when you travel by some transportation company… I’m the sort of person to draw out goodbyes for as long as I can. Though I have found that this is not necessarily easier or more painless. In the end, the goodbye is just as painful and just as hard. Perhaps, even more so. I leave behind me waving hands and smiling faces. Full of love and sadness, mirroring my own waving hands and smiling face. A sinking feeling hits as I see their backs turn from me, leaving, to get in their cars. They’ll go home to other loved ones, and the sadness will melt away. They might remember the sadness, but it wont feel nearly as bad while they are surrounded with warm faces. I envy them that. I’ll sit here, on this train, amid strangers. Strangers who all have their own destinations, who sit in their own little isles reading things like,” Women’s Health Magazine” with a headline exclaiming,” Flat Sexy Abs!” Or the brothers directly across from me, sound asleep.
I am longing for the cold sensation of ocean water rolling over and under me as I share in its majestic marvels. To glide along a glassy wave, to fall into the cold, salty water and feel it’s bubbles floating up and around my body as I swim toward the surface. I’d even embrace a brain freeze from a wave hitting me face on.
The green hills, rolling and smooth, are slipping away now and the ocean is in view; Surf Beach. No turning back now. That chance was gone at exactly 7:21 a.m. This train is disgustingly always exactly on time. It came at 7:21 a.m. and by 7:22 a.m. I was sitting in a seat, waving and holding back a frown while my ticket was being punched.
Ugh it only makes it worse watching the waves rise and fall…. Noting at all the waves that are ride-able and imagining the feeling, the rush I would get when I first stand up and drop in. I just saw, literally, an amazing barrel. It was a little small to really fit inside… But it looked amazing. I always see them, but have never experienced riding one. Of being inside, with a salt water wall at my shoulder... The water is such an amazing color right now. A sort of tealish grey with brighter teal highlights. I swear that my phone is against me right now.

Haha. Before I boarded the train, I noticed that Dean had this freakishly long eyebrow hair sticking straight out of his eyebrow. I think that it was possibly the longest eyebrow hair that I have ever seen. I notified him as soon as it caught my eye. He told me straight away they he had a no tolerance policy regarding long eyebrow hairs and to pull it. I wasn’t ready to pull it. But I tried anyways. I failed. The end result was Dean thinking that I got the hair, when all I really did was give him watery eyes. I had to tell him the truth. He pulled it successfully. Then asked what was wrong with me that I couldn’t pull the hair myself. And why it hurt when I tried and not when he did. Adam and I just stood there laughing until our abs burned and our cheeks hurt.
I think that the people standing there will always remember that moment. They just stood there staring. They heard the whole conversation, eyebrow incident and all. The look on their faces only made me laugh harder. One day they will say,” hey remember that one time when we got on a train going out of Guadelupe? And there were those people, and the eyebrow…?? “ ( as most “remembers” are vague. ) Despite the vagueness, the other will exclaim,” Oh ya! That was so gross.” HAhahaha I truly hope so. Perhaps this is a silly thing to say… But in light of my leaving, it makes me laugh, and therefor less melancholy.

I’ve started to learn “The Meadow” song from New Moon. It is so pretty. I wish that I could be playing it right now. Feeling the smooth keys fall under my fingers. To feel my fingers slide over them as I transition from on octive to another. With school, I’ve had such a limited amount of time to do those sort of things.

I just saw two shipwrecked sail boats in the same little cove. I wonder what happened. Maybe I should write a story about what I think happened. That might make for an interesting short story.

AHHH!!!! I forgot my Dad and Lori’s Christmas gift!!!!! In that moment when I stood in my room thinking to myself,” Did I forget anything..???” Why, oh, WHY did my mind say,” No, I think you are good,”!?!?!?!! UGH☹ I wonder if I could get my parents to send it for me…?? Oh man, I am so sad. I wanna just run to the conductor and yell,” Stop! Turn around! I forgot something really important!” And in this daydream of a desire, he would actually turn around for me. Too bad that this is a daydream of a desire☹ I just realized, I couldn't have brought it with me anyways. It wasn't dry yet! Oh yay! Oh the panic...

Jesus is our Peace.

I had something meaningful to blog about the other day, but somewhere in the holiday rush I forgot to post and lost it. Whether or not it will be found again, will remain a mystery... Until, should I remember, I post it...Whatever it was.

(some gifts for this Christmas. Please excuse my hands... they have a tendency to get really dry and ugly in the winter:/ )


I can't believe that Christmas is just in four short days... So crazy... Well five, if you actually count Christmas morning. I feel ill prepared and lost in the flurry of Christmas activity. I can't believe that I was able to finish shopping for three people in an hour the other day... Including, going into the mall... No matter how lame a mall is (cough*, like ours, cough cough**), they always seem to fill with people, all sharing the same mission; Christmas shopping... I always try to make as many of my gifts as possible. I have had so much fun with that this year! Including a piece of art done in pastels:) I love the feeling of pastel stain fingers... Or charcoal stained fingers. I love the feeling it gives me. A sort of satisfying excitement of accomplishment.

I seemed to have pulled a muscle or strained a tendon in my right shoulder. It is driving me insane. Even the smallest of movements seems to send a little pain through my upper arm. How I did this exactly, I have no idea. Ugh, it is so nagging!

I heard something in church today that really stuck with me. I loved the whole sermon! Our pastor is really wonderful. But this phrase really stuck to my heart," Jesus is our peace." There is something deep and profound about that short phrase. Something that just strums the right chord in your heart, mind, and soul: Gratitude, joy, happiness, love, thankfulness, reverence, honor... Our Lord is so great and compassionate to us, His disobedient children. He sent His son into this world to live among and gather up his straying children... The great shepherd. Sent him, to suffer and die for our sins. Christ took the full burden of our Heavenly Father's wrath, to save us. Christ suffered, but so did the Father. He sent his unblemished lamb into the world, to suffer his hand to save people who were drowning in sin... Living it... Our Lord is so compassionate and forgiving, to give us a second chance at life.

His strenghth

1 Give thanks to the LORD! Call on his name! Make known his accomplishments among the nations!
2 Sing to him! Make music to him! Tell about all his miraculous deeds!
3 Boast about his holy name! Let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice!
4 Seek the LORD and the strength he gives! Seek his presence continually!
Psalms 106:1-4

(Belated) Post On Traveling

A Post on Traveling.

As I pass all these cars in the dark, I wonder where all these people are going to and where they came from. How similar or opposite are their starting points and destinations from my own..? All around me are red and white lights, streaming in the darkness. I am peaceful.. My ears are filled with my ipod’s eccentric range of music (more specifically, the soundtrack to New Moon. It is delicious. Give it a listen) and my stomach of Starbucks.

I took two Dramamine to aid my motion sickness. Consequently, I slept for a bit… I think two hours or so… The drowsy, loopiness has somewhat worn off, and is not so strong as to affect my coherency. I think that I sent a few text messages that were nothing short of confusing. As soon as I gained some logical thought, I sent out a text message apologizing for my incoherency. Haha.
We are all occupied with our own diversions: Jake with his ipod, Mom with her knitting and ipod, Dean with sports radio, Noelle and Carter with a movie on the portable, and Holly is crying (hopefully falling asleep soon). I have always hated being in the car. It has always been hard. Stuck in a tiny space (usually surrounded and packed tightly in with stuff)… Closterphobia and anxiousness set in, making it all the more un-enjoyable and obnoxious. (As well as uncomfortable.) But recently I have been enjoying it a bit more. It gives me time to think. To reflect on the things I don’t have the time to reflect on, on a normal, daily basis.
Right now I am thinking about our Sunday sermon this morning. My pastor talked about the blessing of work given to man to glorify our Heavenly Father. Whatever form our work takes, should be done in and for His glory and not for our own. As well as done in His strength and not our own feeble, inefficient strength. This last week for school was so incredibly hard. I took a test that I was nowhere near ready for. I am thinking about all the late nights that I spent up, bent over my book trying to figure out what in the world a truth table was, and how to do it both successfully and correctly. My mind was so frazzled with sorties. I was so frustrated. All through the test I was thinking about how much I had relied on my own strength in preparation for that test. If only I had prayed more before I studied for it, and looked at it as another way to glorify my God… I know it would have gone better. Though I am thankful for the section of the test that I didn’t have a hard time with… I just stressed and made it ten times worse for myself that it should have been. I can only pray and hope for the best as far as my grade goes for this last test. If it isn’t good, I am hoping that I can make up for it in the two tests to come. While, hopefully, relying on God’s strength and not my own…
It is so funny and slightly weird to see all these major company buildings towering above us as we drive by: WB, Mission Avocados (mMm), Disney… They look strangely empty. (ADD: Avacodos sound so good.) I can’t imagine working for a place like that. I don’t think I could find much joy in it, or love it at all. (Though hopefully, in the influence of the previous paragraph, I would still work for His glory). I'd much rather use the skills and talents that I have been blessed with. Using them to their fullest capacity to glorify God. Though, I suppose that some people are gifted with office work mentality… I just know that that is not where I have been called. Haha. I think the Dramamine is still in effect. I am not making much sense or sticking to a topic. I am kind of all over the place.
I love zoning out and listening to all the individual instruments in each song I listen to. (Again, The New Moon soundtrack is delicious. Give it a taste.)

Whispers Of The Wind

The wind whispered through the trees
Like the melting of snow.
Together they shook and shuddered
And whispered amongst each other.
And I, passing by, stopped and took a gander,
To listen and watch as they whispered together.
Reaching down a golden branch,
One handed me a silver leaf.
I held it to the wind and listened
As it sang me sweet songs of light and peace.
I looked on in gratitude
As the trees whispered on...
And listened in thankfulness
To each note in the silvery leaf's song.

Transperant

What is it about driving at night that is so soothing to the mind? Somehow, whenever I drive at night, I always seem to fall deep into the melody of thought. My thoughts drift like the changing of the sea, into different moods and different lights. Sometimes music, softly spilling from my radio, like Coldplay's Yellow, create the perfect back drop to the blurs of nature and structures and light as I fly by them. Though sometimes, I prefer to be in silence. In silence, with nothing but the sound of my tires treading asphalt and the wind I create as my move. I find the red and white lights illuminated by the cars, passing and driving with me, to be strangely warming. When I drive at night, I always feel like I am moving faster. That I have entered a time warp of sorts. And as my thoughts drift on, the lights of the cars moving around me melt into bright, flashing blurs... Defined against the blackness of the night sky. Driving becomes more of a sub-conscious action as I fade out of reality. I signal to turn off the free way, and it is nothing more than pure method driving me. For my mind has gone. Gone wandering to different lands... Skipping from the life of one thought to another. Somehow, though I can scarcely be considered coherent, I manage to slow down and stop at the designated times, turn where and when I need to, and end up where I initially started off to. Despite the fact that my mind has really forgotten all about where I was headed.

Time

The sparkle of a smile, the music of a laugh.
The reuniting of loved ones,
Together in the bliss of comfort and warmth.
Pass around the cups for tea
And come sit down close beside me.
Share in a whisper and a wink,
Tell me a tale while we finish our drinks.
And we'll close the distance of time.
For I longed for this day when you would once again be mine.
Away from bullets and ashes and sorrow.

Seasonal Mix up, yet Seasonal Tidings

A sudden rush and a tiny flutter
as little wings wrap around her finger.
The maiden voyage of springs new life,
in the dawn of mornings first light.

Not at all accurate for this current glorious season of golden hues ad ruby reds.
However, I thought of it today, and felt like sharing it with the world.

ADD moment: I bought this vintage skirt today that I have been watching
on eBay. Or rather my parents bought it for me. Oh how lovely they are.
Initially the skirt was for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I'll wear it much more
than that... Now I just need to figure out what top to wear with it... Perhaps thrift store shopping is in order:)

Autumn And Somethings I Adore

Autumn always brings a fresh wave of artistic charm that never fails to inspire me. I find reflection in God's wondrous creation and a silent beauty in the changing trees that fails for words. I have been missing the sound of rain, and am now happy to say that I have been able to bask in it a few times in the last week. Today, as the first few drops of rain hit my windshield, I turned off my radio and listened to the rain instead. I even hesitated in the rain, relishing the cold sensation, before heading to dry land. Somehow, despite the cold, wet of rain it almost felt warm.

Some things that I am adoring this glorious season:

Falling asleep to Auto-bible (on my phone)
Corduroys paired with a flannel and ballet flats
Layering tanks, shirts, sweaters, jackets, and funky tights
English or Earl Grey Tea with cream and honey
Jane Austen's novels
An art book that I rented from the school library (that I have until the 2nd of November)
The sound of cellos

Abortion: Tested Like Lab Rats

*An embryo is the earliest stage of human development. Virtually every text book (besides the ones for pro-murder), state that," Fertilization marks the beginning of life in the new individual human being."*

Not only is abortion murder but it also uses humans (yes they are humans, no matter how small, or how "developed" they are) for lab experimentation. Human embryos are destroyed every day, and used for testing every day. And can you believe that they have legalized this?! It's not acceptable to use "full grown" human beings for testing, even for the simplest things like shampoo or lotion... But its okay to rip a child from the womb of its mother, and then transport it to a lab where it is frozen and used for experimentation. As if that isn't enough, the ones that they don't use are thrown in the trash. The trash!

The argument that ESCR (Embryotic Stem Cell Research) presents over this whole deal, is funding. (Serious? Funding?) Because such an organization kills human beings, they don't want taxpayers to fund it. They don't want taxpayers to fund murder. By this statement, ESCR openly admits that what they are doing IS MURDER. So, lets not let the public foot the bill... Never-mind that Embryotic stem cells are obtained by killing a child.

This doesn't occur to embryos alone... Partial birth abortion (which has also been legalized), ends in a dumpster. The abortion of a partially born child, who can feel everything, is literally ripping them to pieces. I can't even say that without tearing up. Imagine the amount of pain... Then, like a fish, they are wrapped in newspaper and thrown away.

Every time I see the precious face of a baby, I think of the millions being murdered and want to just grab every baby near me, and hold them tight. The thought that this going on, daily, makes me sick to my stomach.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."
Psalms 127:3-5

Strength

" In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, you have been grieved by various trials. So that the testing of your faith-- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
8 Though you do not now see him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome
of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
1 Peter 1:1

I found this verse and wanted to share it with you all. What it is saying is so wonderful and joyful, despite our trials, that I almost can't wrap my mind around it. In this verse I found strength and love and truth. I hope it is a comfort and a blessing to you all as well.

<3

Hello blog world.

I am so tired, but unable to sleep right now! Over tired? Possibly.

I would like to share with you all what I do to keep myself busy on nights like these. Share all the places I visit, the music I listen to, and the things I sit here and covet (though I know it is a sin and I shouldn't covet... and yet, I can't help it sometimes!)

I am adoring these vintage sites Dear Golden Vintage and Peace Love and Pretty Dresses I have a few vintage things... but most are sort of mod... I'd love to be able to convert my WHOLE wardrobe into glorious vintage style. However, my pockets aren't that deep.

Two blogs that I love reading Rockstar Diaries and All This Happiness

For those of kindred spirit; For those of you who are tea lovers, The Tea Source. They have such wonderful, delightful teas!

As for music, I am favoring Fleet Foxes at the moment. And am also currently listening to them.

One last one! I am a part of this event slash project, called The October Dress Project. It is really neat! Give it a gander:)

The other day as I was driving to drop my little sister off at her horse back riding lessons, a perfectly crisp maple leaf flew onto my window and got caught under my wipers. My little friend stayed with me for quite a while before losing to the wind. I was so happy wit this little friend of mine, I was all smiles. It is fall. I love it!

Break Of Dawn: A Light In Small Places

Last night, I couldn't sleep. Too many things were looming in my head. Though I suppose, that not all were looming, some were lovely and pleasant. Nevertheless, I couldn't sleep. Around 12:15 I stumbled awkwardly, and somewhat nervously, through the darkened house. I got to the hall way and stared into the black before me. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. I wasn't afraid. Not in the boogie man sense anyhow. I was afraid that I would stumble over something and wake those sleeping soundly in their beds.
For a moment, I contemplated going back and getting my phone to light my way. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I was just too lazy to stumble all the way back to my room and back to the hallway again. I slowly walked, with wide eyes, and outstretched arms, through the hallway. (I think that I fully believe this: when you are "blind" your other senses become more alert). I was careful not to lift my feet to high, but instead sort of shuffled slowly, hoping to touch anything that might be in my way, and thus move around it. You know that tingly feeling you get when someone is watching you or you are closer to something than you realize? That's how I felt, walking through the hallway. When I realized, what I was close to was the linen cupboards. They became my guide, which transferred over to the wall, to the door, and to the bathroom counter.
It wasn't until after I flicked on the bathroom night light that I found the lesson hidden in this ordinary life event. I thought of how we are supposed to trust in God whether we are blindfolded or walking in broad light. It's more often than not, that when the lights go out, instead of walking in faith, I grovel about, fearful of what I might come across or experience. These times call for me to walk boldly forward, faithful that, like the linen cupboard, God will guide me in the darkness. And like the bathroom night light, though it may be faint perhaps, God will illuminate your road. Showing you where to go. So much of our walk of faith in Christ is blindfolded... We have no idea what His plan is... We only know as much as he reveals to us in His truth. Nevertheless, when I am walking and it suddenly goes dark, I panic.
I was suddenly thankful that I had not gone back for my phone (despite the fact that it was out of laziness). If I had gone back for it, I might have very well missed the lesson hidden in that short walk to the bathroom. I need to walk in faith when the darkness envelopes me. Boldly trusting in Christ the way I should. Abandon the fear and the groveling.
Even though His light might be hidden for a time, it will never fail to illuminate our lives. Much like the breaking of the dawn. The blackness will be pierced and scattered by His light.

Another Ten To Happiness

1. Drinking your weight in tea with friends
2. Ruby<3 (missing our Ruby and Fern chronicles dear:(
3. The way a finished art project feels
4. The free, fresh feeling of ditching make-up (though, not that I usually plaster make-up on anyways)
5. All my sketch pencils
6. Looking out the window in the early morning and seeing our street bathed in fog
7. Watching classic movies with actors and actresses like: Audrey Hepburn, Fred Astaire, Carry Grant, Humphrey Bogart, Claudette Colbert, Clark Gable, Gene Kelly, Debbie Reynolds...etc,...
8. Bundle of letters tied in a ribbon
9. Dresses with ballet flats
10.My easel


Oh tea... How glorious thou art! Thy smooth goldenness cures many an affliction! Thine warmth goes down to the inner most parts, and blankets all in comfort!

Adore

I adore these Audrey Pants! I have been looking/wanting a pair for so long! Gap finally gets them, and somehow I wasn't informed. They are currently out of stock... The trouble is, are they just regular out of stock and will re-stock, OR did they discontinue them (or something along that line)?

If anyone has an idea about them or what is going on, please pass along the word!!

Teething at 18?

Wisdom teeth are the worst.

We are out of honey... Sad day. I miss my tea.
I could have it without it, but it's just not the same.

First day back at school from a three-day weekend.
I miss the weekend.
I could use some prayer for school. I'd be so thankful:)

I love when you take down your hair, after its been up
all day, and the smell of your shampoo wraps around your
head, like you just stepped out of the shower.

I am really looking forward to fall. I think that I
mentioned that in my last post... I just thought that
I'd throw that out there. Again.

Hope all your evenings are relaxing and wonderful:)

Funky Tights and Music

It has taken me such a long time to post! Things have been so crazy. School has taken over my life, once again. All my fun reading has been set aside, as well as my guitar and piano. Late nights, early mornings. Oh well. It is all part of the student package. I have no complaint with school itself though. It has been rather good to me, considering. God sure does have a way of proving you wrong though. I took a full load this semester, and was completely convinced that I would fail within the first week. I pray constantly that He will help me figure out a system to work around and with my new school and homework schedule. Though, some of the late nights, half awake, and the early mornings, again half awake, have been hard... He has gotten me through them, and I am truly thankful. Even though when I get to school and read over my notes to refresh my mind, I can barely read them... I find myself covering them with my hand as I read over them, so no one will see my scribbling. Haha! Cuz that's what it looks like. Scribbles. Keeping all my student friends in my thoughts and prayers:)

I absolutely love my art class. I am still excited over it! I am looking forward to my art projects. Already there have been a few that I haven't been particularly excited about... But in the end I find the meaning and lesson behind them, and am thankful for having been able to do them.

I've been sick for the last two weeks. This seems to happen. I was sick almost the whole first month of school last semester. My mommy is nursing me back to health, so fear not. Everyone has been wonderful and helpful.


After I saw "500 Days of Summer" two Saturdays ago, with Adam, Jake, and Janna, I have been listening to the soundtrack everyday. I love it! You should give it a listen;) I put a few of the songs on my playlist. There isn't one song on that album that I don't like. (Also, I am currently listening to 'She & Him', so perfect. Give it a holler;)


Thrift Stores. My love for them has grown immensely in the last few weeks. I have gone to four here in town, and am looking for more. My luck has been quite good. Although, I am still looking for some fun and funky vests... Also, a pair of cowboy boots to wear with my dresses... Though I really don't want to get those used. Adam thinks me silly, but I just can't get myself to put my foot into a shoe, that has been worn by some unknown person... Who- might have had a terrifying case of foot fungus. No thank you. So- if anyone one of you knows where I might find a pair, please give me a comment!!

I can't wait until fall and winter. All my poor funky tights and jackets are just sitting and waiting for me to wear them! And I am sure, feeling very unloved... I love them! It has just been too too warm.

Ten To Happiness

I am committing a grand theft, from Carissa's grand theft:

1. A box of new paints
2. Making a perfect cup of golden tea (usually Earl Grey)
3. The feel of piano keys beneath my fingers
4. Being close to my loved ones
5. Reading a good book with a warm cup in my hand
6. Watching the ocean sway and churn
7. Finding little restaurants that are tucked away and wonderful
8. Used Book Stores
9. Journals (everything about them)
10. Art: looking at the work of others and creating my own.

Night Lights

The light of the night is streaming into my open blinds. I can look up from my desk, through slanted lines, and see the strange, orange light. The smoke from the mountain fires makes the moon light ghostly and haunting. For some reason, I find that orange glow eerie. It reminds me of being in Tennessee and the sky being green and still... Sending all a silent warning of the tornadoes that will soon be coming. The orange glow seems like it should be linked to some terrible disaster like that. I spose fire is a terrible disaster... But to me it seems like it should be more weather based.
I must confess that looking through my blinds at night at all, completely scares me. It seems so, unpredictable. Anything could be waiting behind their shelter. It seems more probable that you would see something you don't want to see, when you look through them at night. All the shadows seem unearthly and menacing. All the houses suddenly look suspicious and haunted. Cars could be holding unseen eyes watching you as you innocently peek through. Somehow, everything seems waiting for an opportunity. What that opportunity is, I know not... I know enough to hide from it.
And yet, here I sit, with the blinds at my desk wide open. I can here a noise close to the window on the right. Everything is so colorless. Black and orange. Houses are orange, trees are black, cement is orange, most the backyard is black... There is nothing comforting about that.
I miss the nights where the sky is clear and crisp and the moon shines in all its cool glowing glory. In this same spot, at my desk with the blinds open, the moons soft light drifts in and illuminates my room. It has a soothing feel about it. But not this orange. This orange is nothing short of disturbing.

Claude Monet

Today I feel peaceful. The melody in my head is like Matt Costa's song Astair, smooth and calm. I didn't wake up too early this morning... 7:30 is a hard time to classify. It's kind of in the middle, as far as early and late goes. I enjoyed a perfect cup of coffee and got myself ready for the day. I find myself not hungry at all. All I wanted was coffee this morning, and now tea. Lately, I have either been nauseated and turned off to food or ravenous. What's the deal with this?! Before I sat down to type this post, I was cleaning and registering for classes in the fall. I have a rather full load this coming semester. i think that I am taking about 15 or 16 units. Usually that would frighten me, but at the moment I just feel ready for it. In the back of my head I can hear a little voice saying," Overwhelming... You're gonna cry and be discouraged..." I ignore it and defy it at the same time.

There is a possibility that we may be going to the circus tonight. I can't tell how I feel about this. I have never been fond of clowns. I suppose there's a time to overcome every phobia. Though, i guess i can't apply that for all phobias. I think that I will forever be scared of spiders, dark water, and zombies. Better said, maybe there is a time to overcome every "small-ish" phobia. Perhaps I will put off overcoming my fear of clowns in favor of renting a movie and a bag of skittles (supposing that I am not nauseated by the thought of food by then).

I am loving Matt Costa.

Cinnamon Almonds On Airplanes

I was thinking about airplanes today. I was thinking about how scared I am of them. This is not a fear of a little turbulence or even of crashing. Every time I get on a plane, I think," This could be the last time anyone ever sees me. I could die, sitting next to this guy who I don't even know (as he shifts in his seat and pulls out a tissue to blow his nose)." After my morbid thoughts of death, I pray unceasingly," Oh please God, not like this... I want to come home to you, but not like this..." Then as the plane finally lifts off the ground, I am completely struck with panic. It's almost like I start going crazy. I can feel my hands twitch to twist their fingers in my hair and just pull. My arms grip tensely to the arm rests... There is such an overwhelming panic that I feel like I could just blow up. Blow up, and all my pieces would go all over the nose blower guy. I can already imagine him pulling out more tissues, from his hidden stash, to wipe up the red mess of me on his short sleeve, button up shirt and yellow tie. Its all just morbid morbid morbid.

You know, 911 has permanently caused me mental harm. The above paragraph is somewhat silly and imaginative, but this I say in all seriousness. I'll never forget that day, ever. I'll never forget the nightmares that followed suit for months... It was already a hard time then. My mom had just almost died from a miscarriage. When she came home from the hospital, she was bed ridden. I remember how still everything was. Looking back, it was all very hazy feeling. Like it was dusk all the time. Even on the inside of our house. So, when the TV started playing these clips, with my mom asleep on the couch in front of the screen, it felt like the end of the world. I still remember my first plane ride after that. I was scared to death. Sad to say, but a man, with the same look as the terrorists, kindly smiled at me as he passed down the narrow isle, and I started crying. I feel horrible about it. But, I was young and terrified.

(Enough of this depressed look back)I was also thinking about how it would benefit the airlines' business if they started serving cinnamon almonds with drinks, instead of the salty peanuts. Don't get me wrong, I love those peanuts... I also loved the honey roasted peanuts they used to give out... However, if I had to choose, I would without a doubt go with the cinnamon almonds. I just got two bags of them when we went to Trader Joe's today. I don't really like sharing them, and typically don't. I don't necessarily "hide" them per say. I put them in the nut drawer in the fridge, or the dried fruit and nut basket in the cupboard... No one really gets into either of those places. I don't know why... I love nuts and dried fruit... But I also put them where they belong, knowing that no one looks in those places for snacks:) Does that count as "hiding"?

Sunset on the Pier

The Garden Spider

sometimes i sit alone in our backyard purely for the solitude. to just feel the suns warmth and the whisper of the wind through the trees and to think. right now, all the flowers in are in bloom. its all so rich and colorful looking. all the different shades of purple, pink and yellow... some orange here, a little white there, a bit of red, and tons of green.

our squash plant has really grown. the mint and tomato has as well, but the squash outstandingly so. i love how big the squash leaves are. they are so gorgeous. i love being able to see all the detail. the honeysuckle is beautiful and so sweet. technically, though, we didnt plant the honeysuckle, so its not really ours. it has grown over our fence from our neighbors yard. the only thing that i can complain about with the honeysuckle, is that it is full of garden spiders. those spiders get huge! they are big and hairy and like to jump out at you. i guess, it is prime real estate for them... it does smell nice. and i spose they dont jump out at you... they blend in very nicely with all the foliage so when you see them, its too late.

so there you are, bending over to smell the flowers, when all of the sudden, BAM! there is a huge, ugly, hairy, eight-legged thing right in front of your face. just your luck, it starts to move. then, you fiercely throw yourself backwards and start brushing your arms and legs and searching your hair. you stop- and look down to find the evil little creature (probably enjoying its little trick). there he is. sure enough, sitting there staring at you. even though you can see him right there, you still have goosebumps and are convinced that he is on you. your zeal for time in the glorious backyard has disappeared, and you head for cover inside.

My Day

Banana Pancakes
Coffee
Shopping carts of fresh fruit
Dahlias
Missing
Guitar
Priscilla Ahn
Blueberries and Asian Pears
Day dreams
Stories
Accidental dairy intake
Peppermint tea
Paninis
French Kiss (the movie)
Cleaning
Thumb
Wet Towles
Imagining
Lists
Romantic Dramas

Things Girls Do

Today, I was thinking and wondering about why we do some of the things we do. Most the time guys don't do these things. I am sure there are exceptions... I may even know a few guys who are the exception. However, I think there are very few.

For example:

Why do we instantly want a cup of tea when we are sad? I know that I'm not the only one who does this. This isn't the reason behind every cup of tea. Still, it is one of them.

How in the world do we find mopping the floor or vacuuming therapeutic?

What calm is there in folding laundry? Is it the warmth of clean towels freshly out of the dryer? Or is it that the job is completely mindless, so we can dwell on other things or nothing at all?

Why do we find freedom in driving barefoot? (I do love that)

More often than not, a girl will be planning her wedding from the time she is ten until she is actually married. Why? It's so far off from there... and when we are older, we never know when the process will begin. haha

How is it that when a girlfriend is critiquing herself, we completely deny her self picking, genuinely mean it... But then when the girlfriend, in turn, does the same for you, you don't believe a word she says?

Am I the only one who daydreams while doing the dishes?

Why do we have a compulsive drive to compare ourselves with other girls? Which only results in us being unhappy about ourselves and is also the effect of the previous question. We know that we are going to be completely upset afterward. Even if we don't show it on the outside, we are internally agonizing over ourselves and thinking of ways to "make it better."

What is it about flowers that make us so excited? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE flowers. I can never decide on a favorite. Sunflowers seem like the most perfect flower, but then Dahlias are so gorgeous... Tulips are so simple and classy, but Orchids are exotically beautiful. Daisies are cheerful and friendly, but Sweet Peas really are sweet. See what I mean??

There are many more things... I just decided that maybe listing all of them isn't the best idea. Haha. It'll just prove how silly we all can be.

Whatever the reason is (and this is going to sound cliche), I still love being a girl. Even when I know that I am being silly:)

Baking Blueberries

What You Need:
1 stick of butter, room temperature (plus more for the pan)
2 cups of all-purpose flour (plus more for the pan)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
2 cups of fresh blueberries
1 cup of sugar
2 teaspoons of pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup of milk

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Generously butter a standard 12-cup muffin pan and dust with flour, tapping out excess; set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Working over bowl, toss blueberries in a fine sieve with about 1 1/2 teaspoons of the flour mixture to lightly coat; set aside flour mixture and blueberries.

In the bowl of an electric mixture fitted with the paddle attachment, beat butter and sugar on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating until combined. Mix in vanilla.

Withe the mixer on low speed, add the reserved flour mixture, beating until just combined. Add milk, beating until just combined; dont over mix. Using rubber spatula, fold in blueberries. Divide the batter evenly among the prepared muffin cups.

Bake, rotating the pan half way through, until the muffins are golden brown and a cake tester inserted in the center of the muffin comes out clean, about 30 minutes. Transfer pan to cooling rack to cool for 10 minutes.

Morning Cup Of Coffee

for some reason when i sat down to write, i thought of the movie "you've got mail." i thought of how she would refer to her emails as sending her thoughts out into the cosmic void. i guess thats how typing a blog feels for me. i dont know who will get on and read the words that flow from my finger tips, to and through the key board, to my screen. and yet- i type them and publish them to the world wide web anyways... knowing that possibly, no one is reading. when you think about it, its kinda strange.
i once met a guy who would have called this "mans pitiful outreach for some attention..." pitiful outreaching for recognition. he would go into a long monologue about how we are desperate creatures who cant seem to live without acknowledgement. he would tell me again of how when a person walks into a room, they automatically look for some one they know or to see if anyone is looking at them at all. he would tell me how stupid that looks and, again, how pitiful and desperate. following that up by making an example of the next poor soul to walk in the room. if "he" knew about my blog, i am sure he would associate posting blogs to a cosmic void as exactly the same.
how i attract these people, ive know idea. he just walked up and sat next to me. before i knew it, he was monologuing. he seemed to disappear when we got on the topic of religion and i told him that i was a christian. he couldnt get me to see eye to eye with his thoughts and ideas on religion and God. haha. he was one of those people... he tried really hard to get me to say that i dont actually believe in God or our loving Savior. he failed. so he disappeared.

the coffee machine just made its "im finished" beep. oh how lovely a cup of coffee sounds. i cant wait. i dont know what it is about a perfectly made cup coffee in the morning... doctored up to just the right amount of creaminess and sweetness. it just completes the morning.

Dancing

I love the feeling of dancing. The motion is so peaceful. I, in no way claim to be a good dancer, however, the feeling a completely conquered dance brings is so amazing. What was once so straining and mentally tiring, now feels like the softness of rain or like the gentle delivery of Debussy's Clair De Lune. Ah, I just love it! Today, I can feel that feeling as if it were the air that I breathe; a steady flow, inhale exhale.

All this talk of dance has reminded me that I need a new pair of pointe shoes. I just got a new pair of soft shoes (the old ones had holes in the toe, and I was constantly stubbing them when while I was dancing). New pointe shoes aren't like new soft shoes. You get almost instant gratification with soft shoes. They take a day to mold to your feet and a few more to get used to the new feeling. Pointe shoes take a little longer and aren't nearly as comfortable. I wonder if i should try lambs wool instead of toe pads with my point shoes. Lately, I have heard that it is a little more comfortable.