Perfect by Flyleaf

Sick of circling the same road
Sick of bearing the guilt
So open the windows to cool off
And heat pours in instead

Perfect in weakness
I'm only perfect in just your strength alone

All my efforts to clean me
Leave me putrid and filthy
And how can you look at me
When I can't stand myself

I'm tired to be honest
I'm nobody

Perfect in weakness
I'm only perfect in just your strength alone

Perfect in weakness
I'm only running in just your strength alone

I tried to kill you
You tried to save me

You save me
You save me
You save me
You save me

Perfect in weakness
I'm only perfect in just your strength alone

Perfect in weakness
I'm only running in just your strength alone





we try to fix ourselves and clean out our lives on our own strength and it is impossible. everytime we fall we look for where things might have gone wrong. all the possibilities flood our minds and we are overwhelmed. still we look for and go through every route as to where we went wrong and how we could have fixed it. this only causes further falling.

it is so amazing to me that in this weakness, when we have fallen to our bottom-most low, we are perfect. in this weakened state that we put ourselves in, we are perfect in that we have nothing and no one to rely on but God. it brings us to our knees every time. as we sit there on our knees, we are like little children in the darkness of night, calling out to our father to come to our rescue and turn on the hall light. knowing that when he walks down the hall and opens our door, everything will be alright. that all there was to frighten us will dissipate. in this child like faith we are saved.

"But Jesus said," Let the little children alone,
and do not hinder them from coming to Me;
for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such
as these."
Matt. 19:14

"Truely I say to you, whoever does not receive
the kingdom of God like a child will not enter
it all."
Mark 10:15

how could we receive God unless as a child? otherwise we would be too smart for our own good and not humble at all. a child is weak and knows it needs protection. a child will call for a father in the night after a nightmare. it does not tell itself," this was just a bad dream. i am alive in my bed. everything is as it should be." the only thing that comes into the childs mind is that it is frightened and wants someone big and strong to come and make things better. and in full faith believes that it will be better...

God is so amazing!

Mostly Nothing

hello

today i am a bit excited. you see it is our first church band practice... and i am playing guitar for the church. i am pretty happy about that. i might even play piano now and again. i am not sure. they metioned that but it didnt go much further than that. we shall see. it is at 6:30.

other than that there really isnt much going on today. or hasnt gone on. and i am sure that after practice there wont be anything going on...

Dead End.

well, the first day at home has been nice. we just spent the day cleaning and getting ready for sunday.

my kitten, chip, was mad at me i think. he wouldnt let me pet him at first=( he isnt so mad now. so that is good.
btw! we have five new kittens! they are all so cute. there is a calico female that i love. we arent allowed to name any of them though, since we arent keeping any of them. if anyone wants a kitten let me know!! they are still too little.... but eventually.

i want to get my hair cut so bad. but i have to wait for a while. my mom is taking a friend to go get their hair cut together some time this next week. i am babysitting for both of them. i HOPE that i will be able to get my hair cut the next week following their hair cuts. i may even get lucky and go the same week.... ??? my mom says that my hair doesnt look that bad... but i feel like it is. i have to make and appointment anyways. which could mean that i HAVE to wait another week or two. we shall see.

i am looking for a new song by the format to learn to play. i am not sure which one i want to do. i would really like to do either dead end or compromise right now. i finished learning she doesnt get it. i am debating whether or not i want to put up a video of me playing the song. i would like to wait until i can sing the whole song and play. however, for some reason, this song is harder to play and sing than i thought. there are other songs i can sing to and play... i dont know why this one has to be so much harder. oh well. hopefully ill get it.

there really isnt much for me to say.

i think i may watch a movie...

good night.

Home On The Coast

i am home now. it is so good to see everyone! and we have five new kittens:-):-) the weather is amazing... so perfect.

i am so very tired. i dont know what it was but i had such a hard time waking up this morning. dad came in and i was like, please no.... i dont want to wake up. last night i woke myself up in the middle night talking in my sleep. also i was sleeping on my hand and i had a huge indentation from my ring. nice.

tomorrow is just cleaning day. i dont think that we will be doing anything else.

Train Ride Home

going home tomorrow.... i am still not sure of the time that i will be going... i know it wont be early in the morning though. which will be nice. i can actually sleep this time=)

today looks like it will just be chill. i think i may go in the pool. it is my last day to go in... so i think that i should. dad has a friend coming over that has a little girl for lainey to play with. also i think i will be doing some house work.

i decided to pack early this time. it is such a relief to be completely packed and not have to think about it anymore. i detest packing. i dont mind unpacking though.

i decided to draw cartoon characters to my own phrases... like the one that was in my last post. that has been fun. i have notebook pages filled with those now. i like drawing the robots from that guys page. oh and his page is: explodingdog.com


well, ive got to go...

peace

Zombie

sleepless again.

Sleepless

wow, i cant believe the time! i am so wide awake. i have too much on my mind to sleep. i was just laying in bed staring at the darkness with my thoughts all over the place. sometimes i wish i had an off button for my mind. usually i pray until i fall asleep... that wasnt working tonight. you know when you are praying and other thoughts, not related to prayer, come through your mind and interupt? ya that bugs. i wish that i had a button for that one too. i just want to focus on prayer and not have all this influx of thought to interupt...

it looks like i am going home this friday. i chose friday because my dad had to go into work monday to wednesday morning and that would give us all of thursday together. ill be watching lainey tomorrow. so hopefully lainey and i will have some fun. im sure we will. then on tuesday (and on) the nanny will be here.

when i go, i am excited to take some neat pictures at the train station. the train station in san diego is beautiful. i would never have thought that a train station would be beautiful, but it is. i want to take some pictures there that create a story. that sounds nice right now... i dont really know why.

i really dont have anything to say at one in the morning.

okay i think i feel sleep creeping in... i had better run to bed before it is gone.

View From A Lens

i decided to straighten my hair in this picture. i havent done that for a while and thought it would be fun. please excuse my tired look... i was very tired. it takes me a while to fall asleep while here sometimes, and at this point i had had quite a few long days and nights;)

lainey#1

lainey#2


during this time i had been babysitting lainey for three days straight. dad and lori gave the nanny the week off, which was nice, so i could watch her. usually she is here and it is hard to spend time with lainey. i mean she has to do her job and all, i being a big distraction. you know i recall this one time where i was in my room playing guitar and lainey came in the room to sit with me. the nanny came in, took her out and closed my door. ya, i think i get in the way of her job=) SO it was really nice to take care of her msyself. both dad and lori were at work, leaving lainey and i alone from about 9 a.m. to 6 or 7 p.m.

EarthQuake

okay i really really dont like earthquakes. the last one, a few years ago, was horrible. i dont remember the rating, as far as how big it was, was. i do know that it was big and felt like it lasted forever.

i was up in the kitchen, making lainey lunch and then it starts. at first i didnt know what was going on. i then thought that maybe someone was pounding on the deck doors. so i ran over to lainey and looked at the doors, nothing was there. then i realized. i got a little light headed and almost cried. oh man. that scared me so bad. i had to take a second afterwards to breathe in deeply.

i guess that the earthquake originated in chino. we havent felt any after math. the first one was a 5.4 and the ones after were 3.8 i dont know why i am typing all that. i am sure that you all have a tv and can watch the news. lol! my brain is still recovering.

my phone isnt really working. ill get a text and then can relpy... sometimes i can reply. only two texts went through though.

Basics

church was good today. i am really glad that i was able to go. the pastor and his family were really nice people.

noelle is sick at home. i feel bad for her. but i guess her temp is down. so that is good. say a prayer for her? please?

my dad left to the station this morning. which is a bumber. i had no one to drink coffee with=) he wont be home until wednesday. he said that he was prolly going to get next week off. i am glad for that. i always worry about him....

laineys nanny is taking the week off. so i will be watching her while lori and dad are gone at work. so, until wednesday it will just be lainey and i.

this is all mindless chatter... for the most part.

Joint Suffering

so i thought i had the strum pattern down on that song. i was wrong. it sounds like i have to reverse the pattern. i wish there was an easier way to get the strum pattern than just listening to the song. oh well. it is the way it is.

my mom talked to our pastor and got the name of a church for me to go to this sunday. it turns out that the pastor at the church down here and the pastor at my church back home are friends. i thought that was awesome. i am so glad that i can go to church while i am down here. it makes me sad to miss church.

geeze my pinkie is so sore from playing!!! seriously. its the joint that hurts. it is worth it though. soon it wont hurt and i (hopefully) will be better on the guitar.

i think that i am going to go in the pool.

Black and White

so there wont be too much going on today. dad, lainey, and i may put together this digital picture frame for my grandpa and mail it. other than that nothing much is going on. maybe ill spend sometime in the pool today. im sure we all will.

last night the news says that we are going to have a hot and sticky weekend. course that had to happen when i came. usually when i come, dad says i bring the rain. for a while when i came down it would rain almost everytime. thats a good sign huh? lol!

i talked to our pastors wife more about the photography idea before i left. she has two slr cameras... she would let me borrow one of them to work with. id only be able to use it while i was with her learning all the technical stuff. i still think thats pretty cool. i dont know how serious she is, but could become her apprentice. at least her and my mom have mentioned it. again i dont know hwo serious she is...

so i think we might be redecorating my room while i am here. i want to say what it would look like... but- if we do it, id rather take a picture and post it=) it would be really awesome if we did.

South Bound Train

well, i am in socal now. that was a long train ride. i think that it was seven hours. im not sure. i wasnt keeping track. i was too tired to have to think. i almost couldnt even read. i mostly just used my ipod and looked out the window. i made a few valant atepmts at sleep. that didnt work. i cant sleep during the day. there have been only a few times that i have been able to. (im usually sick when that happens). it was funny. i was on the train listening to south bound train- jon foreman, and the conductor says,"enjoy your trip on this south bound train to san diego" at the same time as the song. i thought that was funny/cool.

i miss home already. my mom, dean and the sibs. as soon as i got on the train i missed them and wanted to be home. i do that a lot. pretty much anytime that i leave for a longish time.

wow. i am having diffuculty. i havent used a key board seprate from the computer (or laptop) since tennessee. it is weird.

i am at my grandmas house. my dad is coming to pick me up in the late morning of tomorrow. yay! i get to sleep in:-)

i have been working on playing she doesnt get it- the format. it is so fun! i almost have it. i am so glad that i was bale to bring the guitar with me... it feels good to accomplish a song on the piano or guitar. i cant even explain it.

i am dying to know what happens on alias. uh! i have a season and a half left to go before i finish it. ill be glad when i dont have an addiction (which it is). it is not an obsessive thing... i just really want to know what happens!

just pointless, meaningless ramble. thats all this is really.

Packing Blues

i detest packing. seriously. finding stuff to match, wondering if you are going to have to fight with the space in the suitcase, trying to decide if you really need "this" or not, not wanting to look retarded with a bunch of bags so you condense more (only later to wish that you hadnt)... i do not enjoy it at all. i am leaving tomorrow morning. geeze. i just want to sit down and watch alias.

i currently have clothes hanging all around my room air drying. most of my clothes i cant dry in the dryer. however... that is better than shrinking your clothes. my room is a laugh right now. i even wonder at how much ill bring of whats hanging up..???

well, i shouldnt be on here. i have a lot to do. i just dont want to to it.

i bought some awesome clothes today and new shoes. (target) who doesnt love target!?

peace

A Rock to the Face

well it looks like i may be going to visit my padre this next week. i havent seen him since christmas. there is a reason though... whats cool is, i may be taking a train down there. i have never ridden on a train. i am pretty excited. i am actually certain that i will be going on a train. so not might but am taking a train down:-)

i really want to bring the guitar down with me. i have in the past. i have a lot of free time there... i could spend quite a bit of time learning a few songs that i have wanted to learn. by the way, that is going good. there a few of us, from church, that are going to meet at our pastors house to practice guitar. our pastor is really good on the guitar. he came over yesterday to change my strings and file the nut down so the action isnt so far from the neckboard. it is so much nicer!!! it almost feels like and electric guitar.

so ya. the last time i went surfing i biffed it and smashed my face into the wet sand (while in the water). you know how the sand compacts when you hit it if its wet? well, it feels like a rock. the scabs have finally come off my forehead and nose. (yes i did bleed) i do have a little bit left on my nose. im sure it will be gone soon. my nose is still totally sore. that was fun. massive headache.

Refreshment

i had a wonderful day at the beach. it was so amazing to be out there, past the break scanning for waves. it was so refreshing! i tried a new board out today. it was a stewart long board. it was the longest board i have ever ridden. it took a while for me to get used to it. once i did, it was a sweet ride.

my grandma, jake, carter and myself went to see journey to the center of the earth. it was pretty good. i laughed a lot. though i dont think that it was all that funny. i think i was just really tired. like i laughed at the stupidest possible parts. like when they were about to die. i dont know what to say for myself. i was tired. i havent surfed for a week or two so it took the energy out of me!!!

i am so tired that i am dizzy. i think that i will turn in for the night.

peace

The Color Green

okay so i saw the coolest thing today!!! i saw a praying mantis for he first time! it was so awesome! it was dead. but still!

i pretty much just wanted to share that with you...

joanna is here. she spent the night and i think that we might go to michaels. not too sure=)

Opportunity Calls

well our pastors wife came over yesterday and gave me some guitar music to work on for church. im so excited!! i really hope that i can do this. im not like amazing at guitar or anything. though, i havent been practicing either. so that doesnt help. hopefully ill be good at playing soon. she also told me that they may use me on the piano. so AWESOME!!! they are trying to make a list of people who can play an instrument and asking if they are at all interested in playing for church service. all the people who are interested would switch off playing for service...

also, our pastors wife is a good photographer and has been thinking of training an apprentice (or find one...). SO she offered to teach me the techical stuff. I think she is wanting to have a little photography business. at least both she and my mom were hinting at me as a possible apprentice. again, AWESOME!!! that would be such a cool job type thing... oh yes. i cant remember what the name of the camera she would lend me to use is... it is a name i have never heard. i do know that she has two of them and so she would lend me one.

i have had a lot going on and yet not. it is weird sounding. it almost doesnt make sense. i havent really gone anywhere. it is just a lot in my personal activities and then these two opportunities^ just last night i thought of another plot for a story. again this one will need a little bit of historical research. not too much though. i know a bit about the era.

today i am going over to a friends house to watch some movies and chill. so that is exciting as well. i am leaving at 2 which means i have a lot to do between now and then.

Blueberry Muffins, Stories, and Mr. Darcy

well, hello.

i finally felt like writing. i am better mostly. giving the exeption of a headache and a stuffy nose.

there is not much going on at the moment. i am talking with jordie, exchanging story ideas and plots and with a few old friends of mine on aim. it is very nice! i havent talked to those girls (ashley and cassie) for so long!! and talking with jordie is always amazing.

my parents are going to this homeschool thing called chea. i am staying home with carter and jacob. noelle is going to go with them. i am not sure of the things we will do while they are gone. im sure carter will want to go to the park a few times. other than that, we will be home. there is a good chance that my grandma will be coming to stay with us. i think she most likely will so we will have a little more freedom in going places=)

i went to starbucks for a few hours today. i just read my book, had an iced, soy, classically sweetened, coffee and blueberry muffin that was only 75 cents!!! it was epic. i had a good time. even though i was alone.

there really isnt much to say. except that i am reading a awesome book! it is pride and prejudice from mr darcy's perspective. i love it! there are three books in the series.

so anyways... i am done. and very tired.

sorry for the not so exciting post.

Independence Day!

happy 4th of july everyone!!!

i hope you all have a red, white and blue sorta day=)

i am sick today... it is not fun. i had an interesting night....