I was thinking about airplanes today. I was thinking about how scared I am of them. This is not a fear of a little turbulence or even of crashing. Every time I get on a plane, I think," This could be the last time anyone ever sees me. I could die, sitting next to this guy who I don't even know (as he shifts in his seat and pulls out a tissue to blow his nose)." After my morbid thoughts of death, I pray unceasingly," Oh please God, not like this... I want to come home to you, but not like this..." Then as the plane finally lifts off the ground, I am completely struck with panic. It's almost like I start going crazy. I can feel my hands twitch to twist their fingers in my hair and just pull. My arms grip tensely to the arm rests... There is such an overwhelming panic that I feel like I could just blow up. Blow up, and all my pieces would go all over the nose blower guy. I can already imagine him pulling out more tissues, from his hidden stash, to wipe up the red mess of me on his short sleeve, button up shirt and yellow tie. Its all just morbid morbid morbid.
You know, 911 has permanently caused me mental harm. The above paragraph is somewhat silly and imaginative, but this I say in all seriousness. I'll never forget that day, ever. I'll never forget the nightmares that followed suit for months... It was already a hard time then. My mom had just almost died from a miscarriage. When she came home from the hospital, she was bed ridden. I remember how still everything was. Looking back, it was all very hazy feeling. Like it was dusk all the time. Even on the inside of our house. So, when the TV started playing these clips, with my mom asleep on the couch in front of the screen, it felt like the end of the world. I still remember my first plane ride after that. I was scared to death. Sad to say, but a man, with the same look as the terrorists, kindly smiled at me as he passed down the narrow isle, and I started crying. I feel horrible about it. But, I was young and terrified.
(Enough of this depressed look back)I was also thinking about how it would benefit the airlines' business if they started serving cinnamon almonds with drinks, instead of the salty peanuts. Don't get me wrong, I love those peanuts... I also loved the honey roasted peanuts they used to give out... However, if I had to choose, I would without a doubt go with the cinnamon almonds. I just got two bags of them when we went to Trader Joe's today. I don't really like sharing them, and typically don't. I don't necessarily "hide" them per say. I put them in the nut drawer in the fridge, or the dried fruit and nut basket in the cupboard... No one really gets into either of those places. I don't know why... I love nuts and dried fruit... But I also put them where they belong, knowing that no one looks in those places for snacks:) Does that count as "hiding"?
2 comments:
It's strange how the reaction to airplanes is either "oh my gosh I love flying" or being terrified. There doesn't often seem to be an in between.
I barely remember where I was during 911. I remember trying to fall asleep at the foot of my mom's bed and my dad--in complete disbelief-- shouting that we had to come look at what was going on (he'd seen the story on his computer)
Never tried Cinnamon Almonds, but anything almond has my vote. I'd definitely prefer even raw almonds over salty peanuts.
I know... Before 911, I was only scared the first time. After that, I wasn't scared anymore. It was life. I had to fly to visit my dad.
It so strange to think back to that time. It's just something that irks me to my very core.
Me too! Love almonds. I eat plain raw almonds all the time.
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