lost in translation...

well, i just found out that most of the other people going on the mission trip already sent out their letters. and guess what, i havent. but- i have a reason that i wish wasnt a reason. my mom wanted to go through it with me and correct everthing that didnt seem right to her. which all in all isnt a bad thing. but, i wish we could have done it sooner. cause i feel left behind... and am worried that it wont send it out soon enough, and wont get the support needed. (at which time i would put my own money in.) then again, if its Gods will that i go, he will provide the way.
*okay, i have a question. have you ever put hope in something, and then suddenly you realize that youve been looking at it like a dream? then you doubt whether or not you should have hope about ... (qoute, dot dot dot, unquote.) and you confuse yourself, cause you want to have hope but you dont want to waste it in something that you almost know for sure wont matter. so after confusing yourself and to some extent, upsetting yourself, you realize that theres nothing you can really do but pray about it. man, then the wait... "is it your will God? or is it not? whats going to happen!!??"
*then to twist your thoughts more, you think about how it was in Gods will to have you feel that way. to be confused over a true or false hope.
well, thats about all i can say. for the time being. so until later posts... ttyl.

drowning...

i feel like i'm drowning in an endless knife ocean of; chores, school, upcoming events, the need for money (jobs), and daily struggles. one wrong move and, all is lost. it seems like i take two steps forward and ten back. but then again it's life. i know. but hey i can complain. jk.
i thought this next school year was going to be better than this past one but- i was wrong. next year is going to be even worse. then again what was i thinking... its a new grade which means more less enjoyable work. man, physics... who wants to do physics? i'm still trying to convince my mom other wise. but it doesn't seem to be working. any suggestions?
on another note... the mission trip is coming up. and i'm really happy and excited to be doing that. let me tell you, i had some second thoughts. i wasn't sure if i was doing something i wanted or something God wanted. so, i've prayed about it. and don't feel the want to go, any less extreme. but- then again, how do i know that i'm not telling myself to feel that way? ahhh, its all pretty confusing. i think thats the last way i should be feeling though. i guess i need to stop confusing myself and just trust in God... please everyone pray for this situation...

...life-less and breathing...

wow, i have no idea how this wasn't already done. but- i have two days until i have to turn in the deposit for wildwood. so, i'm a little worried. everyone cross your fingers and hope i get it turned in on time.
man, i stayed up until 4:15 am two nights ago. and i'm still try to recover. lol! we watched; corpse bride, elizabethtown, and king kong. by the end of king kong only two people we're a wake. and i being one of them, was awake until 4:15. man, then ontop of that, a few hours shy of me falling asleep, i was woken by a bean bag hitting me in the face.* revenge was taken.* so, i'm feeling kinda life-less. and for some strange reason, i decided to go to morning mana today. i felt kinda bad, cause i almost fell asleep during it. i could have fallen asleep right there, in starbucks, with all those people standing around. i was so close to giving in. but- i fought the embarrassment, and prevailed. i could have gotten a tea or coffee, but i'm on a budget... so no caffeinated drink for me.
we went to the farmers market yesterday. it was pretty fun, lots of food. but- i didn't get to have any. oh well... at least i got to go into a few stores. and i ran into a few friends while i was there. so anyways, i'll talk to you all later.

a little emo, i know...

you know i've felt pretty lonely these past weeks. but- then somewhere in the middle of it, i asked the question," am i really all that lonely? why am i making myself feel that way?" so, i decided that i would use the time i had alone, to get into a deep bible study. and i slowly started to forget... instead of feeling depressed and lonely, i felt very content. God, is so awesome! Hes always there, so you can never really be lonely. it feels so good to know, that you can always depend on him. i mean, i knew that before, but- i guess i didn't pay a whole lot of attention in that area. i'm pretty sure, He used this time to point that out to me and to get closer with my fam.
God is good.

late nights early mornings

man! it has been pretty crazy... we have been jumping from one place to another, since we've been out of town. and yet, there still remains some jumping to do. needless to say, there has been late nights and early mornings, to go along with all of this. so anyways...
let me tell you, i violated the law. well, my mom's law anyways... not purposely. (i would never do a thing like that.) it is known that i am lactose. but- because i really wanted a frappachino, i decided that it wouldn't be that big of a deal if i had one. cause, i haven't had dairy for a while and when i do that, i can usually have a little. i was wrong. let me tell you, i haven't had a stomach like that for a long time. so i've changed my thought in that area," i think after you haven't had dairy for a long time, and you randomly decide to have it, the stomachs are worse."
the civil war dance is in a few days... which means, that my dress, thats still ripped from the last dance, needs to be fixed. but- at least its not a really big thing. (its only the waste band.) i'm pretty excited. my first one, was a little confusing. for many different reasons. some of which i can't really explain. so, this year i'll be better prepared. hopefully.
i still haven't found my electric violin... so or those of you who have connections in that area. please let me know if you come across any cool ones. well, i will talk to you all later.