the silence. The inevitable silence of boarding this train carrying me to the border. Well, close enough to the border. Everything happens so quickly when you travel by some transportation company… I’m the sort of person to draw out goodbyes for as long as I can. Though I have found that this is not necessarily easier or more painless. In the end, the goodbye is just as painful and just as hard. Perhaps, even more so. I leave behind me waving hands and smiling faces. Full of love and sadness, mirroring my own waving hands and smiling face. A sinking feeling hits as I see their backs turn from me, leaving, to get in their cars. They’ll go home to other loved ones, and the sadness will melt away. They might remember the sadness, but it wont feel nearly as bad while they are surrounded with warm faces. I envy them that. I’ll sit here, on this train, amid strangers. Strangers who all have their own destinations, who sit in their own little isles reading things like,” Women’s Health Magazine” with a headline exclaiming,” Flat Sexy Abs!” Or the brothers directly across from me, sound asleep.
I am longing for the cold sensation of ocean water rolling over and under me as I share in its majestic marvels. To glide along a glassy wave, to fall into the cold, salty water and feel it’s bubbles floating up and around my body as I swim toward the surface. I’d even embrace a brain freeze from a wave hitting me face on.
The green hills, rolling and smooth, are slipping away now and the ocean is in view; Surf Beach. No turning back now. That chance was gone at exactly 7:21 a.m. This train is disgustingly always exactly on time. It came at 7:21 a.m. and by 7:22 a.m. I was sitting in a seat, waving and holding back a frown while my ticket was being punched.
Ugh it only makes it worse watching the waves rise and fall…. Noting at all the waves that are ride-able and imagining the feeling, the rush I would get when I first stand up and drop in. I just saw, literally, an amazing barrel. It was a little small to really fit inside… But it looked amazing. I always see them, but have never experienced riding one. Of being inside, with a salt water wall at my shoulder... The water is such an amazing color right now. A sort of tealish grey with brighter teal highlights. I swear that my phone is against me right now.
Haha. Before I boarded the train, I noticed that Dean had this freakishly long eyebrow hair sticking straight out of his eyebrow. I think that it was possibly the longest eyebrow hair that I have ever seen. I notified him as soon as it caught my eye. He told me straight away they he had a no tolerance policy regarding long eyebrow hairs and to pull it. I wasn’t ready to pull it. But I tried anyways. I failed. The end result was Dean thinking that I got the hair, when all I really did was give him watery eyes. I had to tell him the truth. He pulled it successfully. Then asked what was wrong with me that I couldn’t pull the hair myself. And why it hurt when I tried and not when he did. Adam and I just stood there laughing until our abs burned and our cheeks hurt.
I think that the people standing there will always remember that moment. They just stood there staring. They heard the whole conversation, eyebrow incident and all. The look on their faces only made me laugh harder. One day they will say,” hey remember that one time when we got on a train going out of Guadelupe? And there were those people, and the eyebrow…?? “ ( as most “remembers” are vague. ) Despite the vagueness, the other will exclaim,” Oh ya! That was so gross.” HAhahaha I truly hope so. Perhaps this is a silly thing to say… But in light of my leaving, it makes me laugh, and therefor less melancholy.
I’ve started to learn “The Meadow” song from New Moon. It is so pretty. I wish that I could be playing it right now. Feeling the smooth keys fall under my fingers. To feel my fingers slide over them as I transition from on octive to another. With school, I’ve had such a limited amount of time to do those sort of things.
I just saw two shipwrecked sail boats in the same little cove. I wonder what happened. Maybe I should write a story about what I think happened. That might make for an interesting short story.
AHHH!!!! I forgot my Dad and Lori’s Christmas gift!!!!! In that moment when I stood in my room thinking to myself,” Did I forget anything..???” Why, oh, WHY did my mind say,” No, I think you are good,”!?!?!?!! UGH☹ I wonder if I could get my parents to send it for me…?? Oh man, I am so sad. I wanna just run to the conductor and yell,” Stop! Turn around! I forgot something really important!” And in this daydream of a desire, he would actually turn around for me. Too bad that this is a daydream of a desire☹ I just realized, I couldn't have brought it with me anyways. It wasn't dry yet! Oh yay! Oh the panic...
